No Big Deal! Man Plays Down STD Stigma After Vegas Bachelor Party

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN – Telemarketer Derrick Racine believes sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) no longer carry the stigma they once did. At least, that’s what he’s been telling friends and family after returning from a bachelor party in Las Vegas. “We’ve been thinking about STDs all wrong,” he said. “If you get one, it means you got laid. And if it can be cleared up with a little penicillin, what’s the harm? Down the line, it just becomes a funny story.”

Sharon Davis, Racine’s cubicle neighbor, believes he came back from Sin City a changed man, “I think he had a spiritual awakening in Nevada. He has a completely different outlook on life.” Davis continued, “I overheard a personal call where he said, ‘Can you blame me? She was a Puerto Rican! And we don’t have those here.’ He’s right. I’m just glad he’s getting to experience different cultures.”

Darnell Watson, Racine’s colleague and fellow bachelor party attendee, has a different outlook on his friend’s new perspective, “That boy’s got gonorrhea. Who would have thought the illegal handing out flyers for escorts outside the White Castle would lead to getting The Clap? Oh that’s right. This guy.”

While Racine cited patient privacy laws in declining to answer whether or not he does in fact have an STD, Watson offered a poignant take, “Having sex with a ho is a lot like swimming with sharks. Always use the proper equipment. Keep everything inside the apparatus designed to save you and you’ll be fine. But if you go in without protection, you could be fucked up the rest of yo’ life.”

READ  Gotham Henchmen Institute Graduates Record Number of Goons