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Hearing Him Try to Pronounce ‘Rory McIlroy’ Top Reason to Reanimate Kim Jong-il

‘Damn you, Wussell Bwand’

WASHINGTON – A recently released Gallup poll revealed the top reasons to reanimate former Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-il. Unsurprisingly, the top selection according to respondents is ‘hearing him try to pronounce PGA Tour star and current World Number Two Rory McIlroy’s name.’

Gallup researcher Katherine Walters explained the overwhelming top choice, “Many people, myself included, think it would be hilarious to see him struggle with the Northern Irishman’s name. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t want to see that?” she asked. “I don’t know if the technology yet exists but if it does, you won’t find a better reason to use it.”

Walters also walked the media through the other popular justifications for bringing the former dictator back to life, “There were a wide range of replies, which is common with many of our polls. Despotic as he was, many think he would still be a better leader than his son and current head of state, Kim Jong-un. As if that would be hard to achieve. This is the second most popular pick, although it trailed the top choice by some margin.”

“Number three on our list is the wish to see him reignite his playful feud with Russell Brand,” Walters continued. “People forget that the Great Leader and Brand enjoyed some good-natured banter during the brief time period when the British funnyman wasn’t annoying the shit out of us. Brand’s Twitter handle, @rustyrockets, is just one of the many jabs thrown and alludes to the regime’s many failed missile tests.”

“Golf was apparently on the minds of many as some want to see him back on the links to try and best his legendary round of 34-under par,” Walters estimated. “Golfing with the Supreme Leader was a lot like watching the UConn women play basketball. Is the outcome ever in doubt?”

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Fans hopeful to see him in a sequel to Team America: World Police rounded out the top 5.