GLEN BURNIE, MD – In an unprecedented move, Scott Eckerson, a married father of two, followed through on his oft-made threat of turning around his family’s Dodge Caravan and returning to their home. Scott, his wife Chelsea, and their two children were traveling to Ocean City, MD from suburban Baltimore for an extended Memorial Day vacation. “We were just outside Annapolis when I had enough,” Eckerson recalled.
Eckerson continued driving in an overly safe manner, found the next exit, and then re-entered on northbound I-97. “Every year we play the license plate game on our way to the beach,” he bemoaned. “My wife had taken a Xanax and passed out. The kids were plugged into their iPads. I was the only one playing. Perhaps it’s because I was a stickler this year and said we had to find them in the order they ratified the Constitution. Everyone knows Delaware is The First State, dammit!”
Eckerson made a similar threat last year and vowed to make good if the situation presented itself again. “Being forced to endure cringeworthy puns and playing outdated road trip games is one tradition that will not be ending on my watch. If it were up to me, every kid in America would know the fire at the circus didn’t just rage, it was in tents,” Eckerson lamented. “So far, I don’t regret a thing but I am a little sad that when the kids inevitably complain about not having anything to do, I can’t tell them to go explore the Bored Walk.”
After his history-making reversal, Eckerson doesn’t know where he goes from here. To date, none of the previous thousands of exasperated dads have delivered on their promise, “To all the fathers who have ever said, ‘I’ll turn this car around! So help me God!’, let me tell you, it feels good! I highly recommend it. Although I am just now realizing the deposit on our condo is non-refundable.”