Meticulously Cleaning Lint From Dryer Screen Man’s Last Escape in Life

‘Yeah, that’s the good stuff.’ – Redmond

LAKE ZURICH, IL – After breaking up with his girlfriend and losing his job in back-to-back months, Kyle Redmond has found that painstakingly cleaning lint from the dryer screen is the last activity that brings him any amount of joy. Redmond made the realization after slowly removing the factory screen protector on his new iPad brought nary a smile to his face. “It just didn’t do it for me like it used to,” he said. “Luckily for me I still have the never-ending gift that is laundry.”

Redmond’s recent slide has not gone unnoticed by friends and family. His neighbor, Carl Larson, became worried after the two had breakfast last week, “I knew something was wrong when he didn’t pretend to be Jackson Pollock when icing his Toaster Strudel. No technique. No loving application. It was just a sad, white puddle with no artistic interpretation at all. Just lying there… in all its shame. Who wants to eat that?”

A master at work.

Although routine dryer maintenance may be his last enjoyable activity, Redmond is making the most of it, “Some people like to treat themselves to fragrances, mimosas, or fine leather goods. But that stuff is just not for me. I like to go to Goodwill and buy four or five sweaters. If I can find a cable knit or an Irish Aran, then it’s a good haul. I take those babies home and run them through load after load. Once I hear that buzzer go, I’m like a kid on Christmas morning.”

While Redmond seems aware that others might find his laundry habit a bit odd, he’s not changing his ritual any time soon, “I have my own method,” he said. “I start in a corner and work around the edge. I then move in concentric circles until it’s all off in one piece. From there, I hold it beneath my nose and breathe deeply, taking in the combined scent of my clothes, fabric softener, and dryer sheets. It’s in this tender moment, I take the time to appreciate the small bits of my clothing that were sacrificed to bring me this fleeting sensation.”

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“From there, it just finds it’s way to the trash,” he continued. “It’s not like I keep a collection of them like I’m some nutjob. Although I’ve heard worse ideas.”