*NSYNC Would Make A LOT of Money If We Reunited (Not That I Need It) by Chris Kirkpatrick

“I’m doing a bow tie thing now. Sick, right!?”

Greetings *NSECTS!

I actually just came up with that nickname since we missed out on the whole Belieber/Directioner trend. I think it works because there’s so many of you and some of you guys are really weird looking! What do you think? Not too bad, eh? Just one of the many things I’ve been doing in my off-time. Which brings me to my reason for writing this…

Not that I need the money, but can there really be any doubt of the massive stacks *NSYNC would make if we were to reunite? Nostalgia over things from the 90s is at an all-time high right now. A new album and world tour are sure to be successful—this I promise you! The Full House spinoff (that’s somehow cornier than the original) keeps getting renewed if you need more proof.

With every day that passes, it’s just more cash that goes bye, bye, bye. I seriously drive myself crazy thinking of all the money we’ve left on the table. Not that I need it, but if one simple phone call could lead to a windfall for everyone involved, wouldn’t you pick up the phone? I know I would.

And think of all the good that money could do! Justin could give a bunch to St. Jude. Joey could single-handedly crowdfund My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 and I could put down an investment with some ‘friends’ of mine to make sure my legs never get broken. It’s a win all around!

Speaking of the guys, I also thought I’d give you an update on what each of us has been up to. Justin released a few solo albums but I don’t think his career has taken off as he hoped. I don’t really know. He isn’t taking my calls at the moment. JC is focusing on production/management. Joey has transitioned nicely into the non-threatening celebrity that can be paired with just about anything. Hosting food network shows… self-deprecating cameos… you name it. Lance is doing his thing in his community. I’m not really sure what that is but people seem to love him. As for me, I’m still buzzing from my shout out on that Eminem song!

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So here we go, *NSECTS. We’ve seen the power of social media before and it’s time to unleash it again. The time is right. The money will certainly be there (not that I need it). And I just have this feeling, if anyone can get the ball rolling for a reunion…it’s gonna be me.


Chris Kirkpatrick